I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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