Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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