My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize