Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize