Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
