Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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