Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
