My first STD was from a foam party
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
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