Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
