I think my vagina is haunted
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
