i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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