Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize