I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
