Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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