i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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