He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
