you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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