I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Non-Jews are for practice
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
