Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
