I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need water and some morals
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
