I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
