he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
