So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize