I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
