At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
