Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
