i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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