You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
The uberlube is also flammable
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
