uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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