My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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