her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
