the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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