I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
