And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Randomize
