No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I love you. Go after that dick
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
