I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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