he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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