rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
