Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She told me I should be a condom model.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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