Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
