I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
