flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
