new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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