foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize