life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
