morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
