I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
