She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize