You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
The best revenge is premature balding
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
