wakey wakey hands off snakey
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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