my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
