shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
