remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
third nipple confirmed
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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