I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize
