is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
