Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
