Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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