I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
