This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
