Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
And then my night got REAL pukey
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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