I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
