is your mom at the bar?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize