i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
