how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
