Barsexuality is the new black.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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