She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
