So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
