After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I need water and some morals
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
