Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
