my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
