i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
